For the past three years I have shared multiple weddings of couples, some you have known and some you haven’t. They have all been unique and beautiful and all of them have touched my heart. Today, I want to share MY wedding photo’s and the things I learned and regret from my own wedding experience.
I was 19 when I got married. I had just finished my two years at Bible College, living and working in Columbus, OH. My then fiance, was living in South Dakota. Our entire relationship was long distance. He would drive to OH once a month to see me…. a long 17 hour drive. 2 months into dating we got engaged and EVERYONE thought we were crazy. We probably were. He came to VA to meet my parents and ask for my hand and it was with GREAT trepidation that my parents agreed. They knew me and knew I would do what I was going to do. We started planning our wedding to take place in OH. It was a good halfway point for both of our families and the majority of our friends were there. Right away the planning process was terrible. I wanted EVERYTHING. The big, all inclusive, lavish, crazy fancy wedding. The concept of money was lost on me. I was the baby of the family and was use to getting what I wanted. My parents put their foot down and I was PISSED. Let’s fast forward 12 years to who I am now, as a parent and a REAL adult; I can look back and say I was being SELFISH. I was expecting my family to cater to my every whim 12 hours away with little to no involvement except for the money. What a BRAT I was! How painful that must have been for them! To this day, I am an instant gratification type of person. I want what I want and I want it now! Learning patience has been a trial and I am still not very good at it. So at the time, when it got complicated and I wasn’t getting what I wanted, I decided to elope. It was the easy solution to get married quickly. A co-worker told me about her experience having a destination wedding in Jamaica and I was immediately on board. Lonnie would have done anything I wanted so it was fine with him. He is a low key kind of person so he was happy to avoid the pomp of it all. The downside… no family would be there. It would be just us. My dad was somewhat relieved to not have to deal with it all, too, and supported the idea. It wasn’t a secret elopment. Everyone knew what was going on and in general gave their blessing – even though now I know it broke their hearts.
So there we were, two months shy of dating for 5 months, in Jamaica, getting married. We both were scared. Lonnie got sick with the flu the day before our wedding and felt like death. A bottle of ny-quil was $20 at the resort pharmacy. I bought my dress from an overstock store on ebay. By pure luck it fit perfectly. I am HUGE veil advocate. Lonnie was supposed to bring his sister’s veil for me to wear but he forgot it. He also forgort dress slacks. We had to buy a pair of pants at the resort gift store to the tune of $140 that were way too short. The resort had limited options on bouquet types and anything other than basic daisies were CRAZY expensive. No offense to anyone, but they are seriously my LEAST favorite flower. Womp Womp. The officiant was someone we never met. He was nice but totally said my name wrong during the cermemony. We had a resort photographer as a part of the package. You can imagine, as a now, wedding photographer how sad these images make me. They are dark, some are blurry, and a lot of them are unevenly lit. They don’t translate our personalities or our emotions… Just stiff, posed images.
If you’ve worked with me during a wedding, you know that during specific moments I am in tears while I work. I am an extremely empathetic person. The emotion of these moments move me deeply. A lot of that has to do with my own experience. I didn’t get to go to bridal boutique and pick out my dress with my bridesmaides. I didn’t get a bachelorette party. My mom didn’t get to put my veil in my hair and my dad didn’t walk me down the isle. I didn’t get that moment where all eyes were on me as I walked down the isle. I didn’t get a first dance as husband and wife, my husband didn’t get a mother son dance and I didn’t get the father daughter dance. I didn’t get to spend the evening celebrating with the people I love.
Don’t feel bad for me. Those were the choices I made and at the time I didn’t realize what I was sacraficing. Now I do. My heart aches sometimes that I robbed myself and our families of those special moments. When I am photographing a wedding now, I realize how paramount all of these precious moments are. I KNOW that these women and their husbands are going to be in my position 12 years later looking back on their wedding and I am overwhelmed with joy that they made MUCH better decisions than I did. For starters, they were patient. lol…
So here are my memories from my wedding day. All 29 of them. That’s it. 29. One day I dream of renewing our vows the way it should have been done the first time. I’ve thought about just getting a dress and renting Lonnie a tux and just doing a photo shoot… but I missed out on more than that. That’s why when you hire a photographer for your wedding you hire them for the whole day, not just portriats. It’s funny to see how the older you get your priorities change. When I photograph weddings of older couples they ALWAYS tell me that they want the focus of my work to be on the people that are there. They KNOW at that stage in their lives that their union is about more than themselves but the people they treasure in their lives. That is the perspective parents and grandparents bring to the younger bride’s who get cought up in the fairy tale portion of it all. Of course your dress, the flowers, the cake, and the location are super important, but relationships are what last. Sitting with your best friend 2, 5, 10, 25 years after your wedding day and still laughing at a moment when one of the groomsmen did a split on the dance floor… or when you’re watching your now husband holding your new baby girl in his arms knowing that one day he will walk her down the isle the same way your own father did with you. I’m a wedding photographer, but I know now that a wedding day is about SO MUCH MORE than the pictures.
XOXO