With a record breaking winter storm heading this way and lots of people spending an unexpected long weekend at home I thought I’d take the opportunity to share some thoughts.

I was born and raised in the NNK (Northern Neck of Virginia).  Lots of people call it God’s country because of its’ small town feel, gorgeous river and bay views and the few hour drive it takes to get to places like Virginia Beach, Blue Ridge Mountains, and Washington DC. It’s rich in history and full of charm.  My parents were born and raised here, and their paretns before them.  As a matter of fact, my dad’s lineage traces back to some of the first waves of settlers to come to area from Europe in the 1700’s and my mother’s grandfather was a Native American.  My step father was digging into his history before he passed away and I wish so terribly that we had more answers about his family’s history.  Like most teenagers in their final years of high school I had dreams of escaping this place.  Small towns offer lots feels, but for people who have always been here it can smother you.  You never feel like your business is your own and everyone always tends to know everything about everyone else.  There never seems to be any big opportunities and at that age there are always dreams of grander.

So at 17, I set off.  My destination was Columbus, OH.  I was heading to small Bible College with only a thousand other students.  I wasn’t learning math or english but Praise and Worship Leadership and Old and New Testament Literature.  The experience was beyond anything I could have imagined.  I met people from all over the world and shared a stage with 8 other AMAZING vocalists and sang to congregations of four thousand people.  There were highs and lows but I LOVED my time there.  I got to work in the media department as a production assistant and see the behind the scenes of a television show.  Then I met my husband.  I wasn’t into him at first but persistance paid off and in only 5 short months of dating, long distance, we got married in Jamaica.

I picked up at the age of 19 and moved across the country to South Dakota.  Talk about a completely different world.  Things move at a MUCH slower pace.  Hard Work takes on a totally different meaning.  Watching these men, these ranchers, run thousands of head of cattle over thousands of acres.  Going out in REAL blizzards in sub-zero degree temperatures to make sure calves are delivered safely and sleeping in barns on cots to repeat that cycle every hour through the night.  Horses, not gators, are the modes of transportation throughout the day while they check fences and move herds.  Cowboy hats and boots are real… not just trendy.  I don’t even think that word exists in their vocabulary.  Here, I learned what cold was.  Here is Va., I think we work to play.  I think that may be the case in most places.  In South Dakota, there is no break in the work.  It’s literally a lifestyle.  I feel that because of that their lives move a slower pace.  There isn’t this drive to move from one phase of life to the next.  Thier sky is bigger and you can see for miles.  I saw the Black Hills and Mount Rushmore, the bad lands, and bluffs carved dramatically into the landscape.  Seeing an atelope on the side of the road was no different that seeing a deer.  Phesants flew from the brush and would scurry across driveways in an almost comical way.  When we left I didn’t think I would miss it, and I definitely don’t miss the cold, but when I went back for my sister-in-laws wedding a couple of years ago I found that I was overwhelmed with emotion.  Perspective is never a bad thing and when you look up at the sky in that place, and it literally wraps around you – you learn your place in the grand scheme of things.

When we moved to Indiana in 2006 little did I know that the next 6 years would go by in a blur of normalcy, hurt, and loss.  I can’t say that I can look back on those six years with a lot of joy.  It was our wilderness.  Every experience is a learning experience and sometimes it is a lesson in how NOT to be.  It’s hard to navigate during times like that becuase it’s too hard to see past.  We thought it was going to be a time of new adventures and growth and it turned out to be a time of loss and heartbreak.  From finances, to dreams, to relationships, to life… We experienced loss of every kind during those 6 years.  When your at the bottom you don’t think there is anywhere to go but up… and then life smacks you in the face and shows you it can get worse.  4 months into my pregnancy with our third child I found that I had lost him.  It was a turning point in our lives.  It gave us perspective.  We needed a break from everything we THOUGHT our lives were going to be.

In June of 2012 we moved back to Virginia.  We weren’t sure how things were going to work we just knew that we needed a change and needed moral support.  We were on governemt healthcare and being in that place was humiliating.  I learned how arrogant I was.  That I was somehow above all the other people using the same source I was.  It was humbling and I learned how hard it is to get back on your feet and how this system is designed to keep you down.  We were one of the lucky ones and got out, but we didn’t get out alone.

After 11 years away I had come home.  11 years older and wiser.  11 years more worn.  11 years more experienced.  I looked at this small town with new eyes.  Sure it was still full of people that knows everything about everyone – but that is true no matter where you go.  I had an appreciation for the community I belonged to.  I love walking down the street and waving at a dozen people that I know.  I had found a new view of people.  I learned to accept them the way that they are.  I let go of grudges that I had been holding on to given by people who also had 11 years of life of experiences behind them.  Rarely will you find a person who is the same as they were 10 years ago.

A moment ago I said we didn’t get out of that season of our lives alone.  My amazing in-laws were selfless during that time.  They gave a lot to us so we could follow our hearts where they were leading us.  My own parents, who gave to us and our kids so I could keep them active in our lives from so far away.  Finally, this community.  I had no idea how things would turn out when I got back.  I knew what I wanted but after the past six years I had rarely seen things work out that way.  You all proved to me that a small town can still facilitate dreams.  You rallied in an amazing way.  I couldn’t be more thankful.

Sometimes it takes leaving for a season to realize what you had.  Some always realize it and never leave.  Growing into an adult and choosing to stay where you’re from or come back after a time is in no way a sign of weakness.  Choosing to leave and creating a life somewhere else in no way means you don’t treasure your roots.  Life is beautifully unique that way.  I can say from experience that if you’re one that leaves, this place never leaves you.  A part of your heart will always be tied here.

I feel settled now.  Calm.  My poor husband is now feeling everything I was when I was 1500 miles from home and my heart breaks for him that he can’t get back as often as he’d like.  He’s making it work… and with your help we are able to be comfortable.  There is truly no place like home and at 32 years old, I am so grateful that this place was and is mine.

XOXO